MANNERS

The Rise of Incivility

Incivility seemed to penetrate every aspect of American life during the 1990s. A survey conducted in February 1996 by U.S. News & World Report and Bozell Worldwide revealed that 90 percent of Americans believed incivility in speech and conduct was a serious social problem. Seventy-eight percent of respondents thought that the problem had worsened during the 1990s, and more than 84 percent saw in incivility evidence of social disorder portending crisis and collapse. The poll concluded that a vast majority of Americans felt themselves embattled, and perhaps imperiled, in their personal and professional lives by the rising tide of vulgarity, discourtesy, and inconsideration. Many Americans came to believe that the real issue underlying bad manners was the loss of a basic sense of respect for others. "You cannot have a complex society in which you do not hear the other party, the antagonist," explained Martin Marty, a noted scholar of religion, in 1996. "The alternative to civility is first incivility," Marty concluded, "and then it is war."

"ROAD RAGE"

American drivers became ruder, meaner, and more dangerous than ever in the 1990s. By 1998 "aggressive driving" incidents, in which an angry or impatient driver tries to hurt or in some cases even kill another driver, had risen by 51 percent since the beginning of the decade. In several cases studied, 37 percent of those drivers used firearms against other drivers; 28 percent used other weapons; and 35 percent used their cars. Fear of drivers and "road rage" has become so pervasive that in a 1996 poll, residents of Maryland, Washington, D.C., and Virginia listed it as a more pressing concern than drunk drivers. The phenomenon has since given rise to many books, articles, and special therapies that deal specifically with the problem. "Road Rage" has become so prevalent that legislation to punish offenders is currently under discussion in Congress. Experts agree that aggressive driving has become the "norm" for many drivers now, generating a new American subculture. Studies have shown that increased traffic and longer commutes pave the way for shorter tempers and in some cases aggressive and dangerous behavior. Other factors that have contributed to the problem are the increasing popularity of trucks and SUVs, which, because of their height and weight, give the driver a greater feeling of power and invincibility than those in regular-sized automobiles.

Sources:

Sidney Callahan, "Oh Behave," Commonweal, 126 (17 December 1999): S-10.

Michael A. Lipton and Jennifer Mendelsohn. People, 15 (10 May): 256-260.

A Culture of Incivility?

Americans in the 1990s were ambivalent about their own bad behavior. On the one hand, Americans did not want children to talk rudely to parents, students to disrespect teachers, or politicians to insult one another. On the other hand, they continued to applaud rebels in government and popular culture who did not always play by the rules or rely on genteel courtesies to get what they wanted. Americans especially enjoyed the spectacle of a good fight, as the competitiveness of sports and politics, the violence and coarseness of television and the movies, and the aggressiveness and vulgarity of pop music made clear. Another symptom of the decline of civility during the 1990s was the spectacle of the public confession combined with the incessant invasion of privacy. "Popular culture shines its klieg lights on the most intimate corners of our lives," wrote Joshua Quittner of Time, "and most of us play right along. If all we really wanted was to be left alone, explain the lasting popularity of Oprah and Sally and Ricki tell-all TV. Memoirs top the best-seller lists, with books about incest and insanity and illness leading the way." The ambiguous attitudes about incivility had experts asking whether a certain level of incivility was not key to being an American.

The Return of Etiquette

Surprisingly, the popularity of etiquette returned in the 1990s. Such books as Marjabelle Young Stewart and Marian Faux's Executive Etiquette in the New Workplace (1994), Norine Dresser's Multicultural Manners: New Rules of Etiquette for a Changing Society (1996), Wendy Reid Crisp's Do As I Say, Not As I Did: Perfect Advice from an Imperfect Mother (1997), and Judith Martin's Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior (1982) proliferated. "Manners are the new status accessory," suggested etiquette expert Stewart. "Pricier than a Rolex, more portable than a Day-Timer, and shinier than handmade shoes … polished graces can get you where you're going faster than a speeding BMW."

Sources:

Wendy Reid Crisp, Do As I Say, Not As I Did: Perfect Advice from an Imperfect Mother (New York: Berkley, 1997).

Norine Dresser, Multicultural Manners: New Rules of Etiquette for a Changing Society (New York: Wiley, 1996).

Owen Edwards, "End of the Rude," Town & Country, 146 (June 1992): 47-48.

John Marks, "The American Uncivil Wars," U.S. News & World Report, 120 (22 April 1996): 66-72.

Judith Martin, Miss Manners' Guide for the Turn of the Millennium (New York: Fireside, 1990).

Joshua Quittner, "Invasion of Privacy," Time, 150 (25 August 1997): 28-35.

Marjabelle Young Stewart and Marian Faux, Executive Etiquette in the New Workplace (New York: St. Martin's Press, 1994).

"No Norms," Wall Street Journal, 233 (22 April 1999): A22.