Discipline

Actions or methods used to achieve controlled behavior.

Discipline used as a noun means orderly, controlled behavior. The verb "to discipline" means different things to different people. Most definitions of "to discipline" fall into two general camps: 1) to control, punish, and correct; or 2) to teach, guide, and influence. The majority of studies today show that the second definition is more effective in producing the desired behavior.

The word discipline is often used as a synonym for punishment, but this is incorrect. Discipline is a system of actions or interactions intended to create orderly behavior. There are a variety of disciplinary systems which show varying degrees of success. Some disciplinary systems use punishment as a tool; others shun punishment, believing it is at best ineffective, at worst destructive (or counterproductive).

Punitive systems have been the norm in the West for centuries. Judaeo-Christian religion has traditionally been seen to promote authoritarian parenting: "Spare the rod, spoil the child" is an oft-quoted pseudo-Biblical injunction (the only actual words similar to this in the Bible are "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him"—Proverbs 13:24, Revised Standard Version). Some conservative Christians and Jews continue to hold to this style of discipline in the belief that punishment is the only way to teach children proper submission and obedience to parents, other adults, and ultimately God.

Other systems of discipline reject harsh, physical violence. Practices of "logical consequences" and "timeout" are two well-known examples. Both are behavior modification techniques that are used to train a child to behave in socially, or parentally, acceptable ways. Rewards and punishments are used to control a child's actions. This can be effective in modifying external behaviors, but it does little to change underlying motivations or attitudes. In fact, attempts to control a child actually prevent any lasting influence from occurring. Children instead simply rebel against the imposed limitations, resist authority, and resort to lying, evasion, or manipulation to get their needs and desires met.

Harshly punitive measures of discipline have been shown to create anxiety, fear, anger, hatred, apathy, depression, obsessiveness, paranoia, sadomasochism, domestic violence, aggression, crime, and apocalyptic religious views, none of which promotes stable, orderly, socially creative behavior. When children are punished harshly, they remember only the pain and humiliation of the punishment, not the reason for the discipline. They lose trust in their parent(s) and become less likely to accept their authority in the future. Physically violent discipline actually promotes further violence by teaching a child that force is a means to gain control, and that violence is acceptable in "loving" relationships. Perhaps the biggest problem with punitive systems of discipline, whether violent or nonviolent, is that eventually the parent runs out of means of control. As the child grows, physical force is less and less effective, and the child continually learns new ways to evade other forms of punishment. At some point, the child becomes immune to discipline.

Despite this reality, however, Western culture remains wedded to punitive discipline in the vast majority. A survey conducted in 1980 by Murray Straus, Richard Gelles, and Suzanne Steinmetz showed that 70% of parents randomly sampled viewed slapping or spanking children as "necessary"; 77% viewed these forms of discipline as "normal"; and 71% viewed them as "good." Nearly three-fourths (73%) of the parents had used some form of physical discipline on their child at some time in that child's life. Those parents who spanked their child did it more than once every other month (7.2 times per year). Of the children in the survey, 86% of three-yearolds, 82% of five-year-olds, 54% of those 10-14 years old, and 33% of those 15-17 years old had experienced physical punishment. Millions of children have been kicked, bitten, or punched by a parent (between one and two million in 1975 alone), some even beaten up. It is clear from these statistics that punitive discipline is common and frequent in Western society today.

In the 1980s and 1990s, however, a shift has begun away from punitive discipline toward a more relational style based on attachment, mutual trust and respect, and equality. This has occurred for a number of socio-cultural reasons. First of all, the increasing frequency of selfdestructive and socially destructive behaviors on the part of increasingly younger children is clear evidence that common forms of discipline now in use are not working. The rise in crime, drug and alcohol abuse, school dropout rates, and suicide show a dangerous lack of discipline among children. Punitive measures, such as the "war on drugs," or "getting tough on crime," have been ineffective, if not counterproductive. In response, therefore, a number of adults have begun to explore alternative systems of discipline that do not rely on control or punishment.

Another factor in the shift away from punitive discipline is the historical movement in favor of greater democracy throughout Western culture that has led different subgroups to seek social equality. Today, children and youth are striving for equality as well, refusing to be treated as inferior to adults. Many of today's parents grew up in this atmosphere of increased equality for children and now view their own children as equals.

The cultural trend toward isolated nuclear family units rather than multigenerational extended families that has been underway since World War II (1939-1945) has also created a significant change in the dynamics of childrearing. Today's children are raised by only one or two parents in relative isolation. Longstanding cultural traditions and behaviors are lost as the cultural community disappears. Demands on parents' time and energy force them to leave their children with other caregivers who may not share their cultural background. Children are further exposed to a much wider range of traditions, values, beliefs, and attitudes today through the media as well. All this makes them less inclined to accept, without question, what their parents tell them. Children are coming to question their parents', and others', authority at a younger and younger age. Reduced supervision has also given children more freedoms.

A basic tenet of successful democracy is that with freedom comes responsibility. Equality-based disciplinary systems are not permissive; rather, parents seek to guide children to responsible choices. Parenting is authoritative (authority based on experience and expertise) rather than authoritarian (authority based on force). Children cannot be taught to take responsibility unless responsibility is given to them. Therefore, appropriate amounts of freedom to choose, and to experience the consequences of those choices, are granted to children according to their developmental level.

These stages determine the type of guidance given to a child by the adult caregiver, and the amount of selfdetermination the child is allowed. Ideally, the parent or other adult caregiver develops an intimate knowledge of the child, a connection based on close awareness and attachment, so that the adult can provide the guidance needed by that particular child.

No two children are exactly alike, so no one method of discipline can be applied to all children with equal success. Neither will the same form of discipline work with the same child in every situation at every age. Good discipline, therefore, is contingent upon the right relationship between adult and child, not the right techniques. It is also imperative that adults be self-disciplined teachers. Children learn from modeling, so parents must model disciplined behavior. Self-discipline involves self-esteem, self-acceptance, and self-respect. A parent's relationship with her or himself, therefore, is as important to good discipline as is the parent's relationship with the child.

Clearly, nonpunitive discipline is a complex endeavor that requires a good deal of maturity and knowledge on the part of the parent. Many books and videos are available to help parents develop the skills necessary to provide their children with effective discipline. Parents magazine, a popular and well-respected parenting journal, and the Children's Television Workshop both produced guides to effective equality-based discipline in 1990. Experiential programs such as Parent Effectiveness Training (PET), developed in 1962 by Thomas Gordon (who went on to create Teacher Effectiveness Training, or TET, a few years later), also exist for more direct education. For in-depth research, an abundance of scholarly works present statistical analyses and studies of the effectiveness of a variety of disciplinary systems, most of which show equality-based discipline to produce the best results.

STAGES OF MORAL DEVELOPMENT

Childhood is often divided into 5 approximate stages of moral development:

Stage 1 = infancy—the child's only sense of right and wrong is what feels good or bad;
Stage 2 = toddler years—the child learns "right" and "wrong" from what she or he is told by others;
Stage 3 = preschool years—the child begins to internalize family values as his or her own, and begins to perceive the consequences of his or her behavior;
Stage 4 = ages 7-10 years—the child begins to question the infallibility of parents, teachers, and other adults, and develops a strong sense of "should" and "should not";
Stage 5 = preteen and teenage years—peers, rather than adults, become of ultimate importance to the child, who begins to try on different values systems to see which fits best; teens also become more aware of and concerned with the larger society, and begin to reason more abstractly about "right" and "wrong."

Discipline

STAGES OF MORAL DEVELOPMENT

FOR FURTHER STUDY

Equality-Based Discipline

Behavior Modification

Scholarly Analyses