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Look For Peace Within Yourself


"Nothing can bring you peace but yourself." "Yourself,"...
I am thinking about the time when my best friend died, and
when I stopped being myself and my life started going to
It happened three years ago, the day is very clear in my
memory. The weather was cold and nasty and the monotonous
rain made everything outside look gray. I was at home,
waiting for my girlfriend to arrive. I was sitting on the
couch drinking hot tea and feeling warm and cozy. My cat
was there too, I remember. We were watching a Mexican soap
opera, and I think the cat was enjoying it, but I wasn't
paying much attention to what was going on. All I cared
about was that my girlfriend was finally coming home and
that we would be able to see each other again. She had left
only four weeks earlier, but I missed her greatly.
We had been friends since the first grade. In the beginning
we were the worst enemies; we just hated each other. Oh,
how we fought! One time she accused me of taking her
marker, even though I did not know what marker she was
talking about. I remember her mother came to school and
everyone was angry at me and was convinced that I was
guilty. Later she found her marker. It seems she had put it
into a wrong box. This turned out to be the first, but not
the last, accident that would occur. What didn't we argue

After a while, hmmm, five years, we became the best friends
ever. We were perfectly compatible with each other. We
began spending all of our time together I came to know each
and every detail about her as she did about me. My life was
intertwined with her life and her life was interwoven with
mine. It was the most enduring friendship of my life. I
looked at the clock above my head. Four fifty. She was
supposed to arrive at three o'clock. I felt uncomfortable;
some weird feeling crawled around my heart. I did not
understand it. I waited and waited. It was dark already and
I was afraid of being in solitude. I couldn't stand it
anymore. Five o'clock. The phone rang and it startled me.
Who might it be? I wasn't expecting a phone call from
anyone. I got up from the couch and picked up the phone.
"Who is this"-said the voice flatly. I answered him and
asked how I could help him. I didn't know anything yet, but
my spine felt cold and I had an uncofortable feeling of
fear. "I am Detective James," said the man, "and I have to
tell you that..." He told me she was dead. A car wreck. He
wanted me to come to the hospital. Her family had died too.
I hung up the phone and I felt immobile. His words were
like a cold shower, a crash and I was stunned. I no longer
cared about anything and nobody - friends, family, or
strangers - could help me. I mechanically did whatever they
wanted me to do, but I was indifferent to their advice and
nothing could spark up my life. I thought my life was over;
that it was empty. I would never see her again, and we
would never hear each other's laughter again. She died and
part of me died with her.
Life went on lifelessly. Nothing was important to me. After
a while I felt that I wanted someone to help me, to pull me
out of my hole. At some point I felt like standing up and
screaming-"HELP." Some people tried to help me, but they
could not. I don't think they understood what I needed.
Time went on and life did too. I didn't find any mortal to
help me, but I found a great supporter, a benefactor in
myself. I didn't realize that I only had to look within
myself. I didn't have to ask anyone but myself. This
realization brought me back to earth, to the world with sun
and happiness. It soothed the pain in my heart and healed
my soul. I talked to myself and realized what I wanted and
what I needed in my life. As I see it, I found myself
within myself.
Since then I always turn for help, not to a doctor, but to
my own self, and I always find exactly what I need there. I
learned the lesson.



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